In this tutorial we now have a Band 7 essay graded by an.

In this tutorial we now have a Band 7 essay graded by an.

First the essay can be read by you, and soon after we break down which sentences helped this essay score a Band 7.

Each criteria happens to be considered additionally the sentence into the essay has been colour coded to correspond to your fours marking criteria used because of the British Council / IELTS IDP.

This tutorial shall help you understand:

  • How a Band is got by an essay 7
  • What sentence structures and language is needed for a Band 7
  • Ways to link ideas smoothly

The population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people at the present time. Perform some advantages of the situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It is well known that some countries have a population with increased people that are young old people. Even this fact might have both pros and cons, for me the positive implications of getting https://essay-911.com a population that is youthful the negative ones. This essay will talk about the advantages and disadvantages examples that are giving support both point of view.

On one hand, having more younger people can lead to a lack of professionals into the society. Older population may be more educated compared to young one, this is being why they have had more hours to review a career that is professional their lives. For instance, in order to become a specialist physician it really is needed at the least a decade of university studies and also this is almost certainly not able for a adult that is young. In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s might have been through a lot in life and they may be more ready to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This may assist to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations will probably have higher level of crime, this may be because young people have more energy to commit crime than old people. A research from the University of Chile showed that within the south of Chile, where in actuality the population is mostly young, the rate of robs and crimes where twice greater than when you look at the north where most of the population where within their 50’s and older.

On the other hand, youthful populations have been in general more vigorous and more happy. This may be them to work more and maintain them-self more active because they have less old age-associated illness leading. Adding to the fact that healthy people can work more efficiently, with this specific they can donate to the economy regarding the country, making money instead of spending. By way of example, the simple truth is that old societies spend a lot of income in health for his or her old citizens. Another positive aspect of having young adult populations is there are more chances of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people do have more some time more energy than old individuals to practice and become an sport professional that is excellent. In soccer a lot of the players retires from their soccer-career when they turn thirty yrs . old. With old people there is no time and energy to start a hobby career. And last but most certainly not least, young societies are more likely to have outdoor activities when it comes to community. This might be because they’re more proactive in organize those activities and also very likely to take part in them. Old people may be too tired to venture out.

The disadvantages to conclude with the arguments given above, I firmly believe that the advantages of youthful population. And even though, there are positive aspects of having an older population
that we should consider.

It is well known that some countries have a population with increased young adults than old people (TR1). Even (CC1) this particular fact may have both pros and cons, In (GR1) my estimation the positive implications of experiencing a youthful population overweigh the negative ones (TR2). This essay will talk about the pros and cons (LR1) giving examples to guide both point of view.

TR1 – Good to begin by paraphrasing the question.

CC1 – Check the meaning / use of ‘even’.
GR1 – Check your usage of punctuation.
TR2– good to clearly state your opinion.
LR1 – A bit repetitive. You will need to vary your use of vocabulary if you can.

On one hand (CC2) / (TR3) having more younger people may lead to a lack of professionals when you look at the society. Older population may be much more educated as compared to young one, this will be being why LR2 that is( they usually have had additional time to analyze a professional career during their lifes (LR3) . For example (CC3) / (TR4) , to be a professional physician it really is needed at the very least a decade of university studies and also this may possibly not be able for a young adult yet (GR3). In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s (LR4) might have been through a complete lot in life (LR5) plus they may be much more ready to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This could help to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations are likely to have higher rate of crime, this could be because young people have significantly more energy to commit crime than old people. A report through the University of Chile (TR5) indicated that into the south of Chile, where in fact the population is mostly young (GR4) , the rate of robs (LR6) and crimes where twice higher than within the north where all the population where in their 50’s and older.

CC2 – the right phrase to introduce your first ‘body paragraph’.

TR3 – Good organisation / use of paragraphing.
LR2 – because
LR3 life that is–singular), lives (plural)
CC3 – Appropriate language to introduce an illustration.
TR4 – Good to include an illustration to support your idea.
GR3 – some nagging problems with sentence structure here. Perhaps ‘specialist physicians require at least… and young adults have never yet had time to accumulate this knowledge..’?
LR4 – Perhaps ‘who are over fifty’.
LR5 – Perhaps a bit regarding the side that is informal but lovely natural usage of language.
TR5 – Again, good to utilize examples to aid your comments.
GR4 – Accurate use of a clause that is relative.
LR6 – Take care here. ‘Rob’ is a verb – together with noun is ‘robbery’.

On the other hand (CC4) / (TR6), youthful populations come in general more energetic and much more happy. This can be because (CC5) they usually have less old illness that is age-associated them to the office more and continue maintaining them-self more active (LR7) . Contributing to the fact that healthy people could work more proficiently, with this they are able to donate to the economy associated with country, earning profits instead of spending (GR4) . As an example, the simple truth is that old societies fork out a lot of cash in health with regards to their citizens that are oldLR8) . Another positive part of having young adult populations is there are more chances of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have more time and more energy than
old visitors to practice and start to become an sport professional that is excellent. In soccer almost all of the players retires (GR5) from their soccer-career if they turn thirty yrs . old (LR9 ). With old people there would be no right time to start an activity career. And last but most certainly not least (CC6) , young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities for the community. This could be since they are more proactive in organize those activities and in addition prone to participate in them. Old people may be too tired to go out.